Love Marriages

This is my fav topic of debate...

I may be totally unromantic or hopeless but there are certain things that I can never understand.

I have a friend S who was officially engaged to some guy. She knew this guy pretty well and kind of liked him as well. But as it happens in the movie, she met another man who was twice as charming and swept her feet off. In a matter of 1-2 months, she called off her engagement and eloped to marry her prince charming against the wish of her family and his family.
This of course created embarrassment for her family and they refused to honor this marriage.
Now what I see after two years is that she has a baby of 1 year and her husband left her while she was pregnant and she was all alone with no job and no where to go.

Cut to present her daughter is 6 years now, filed for divorce but husband unwilling to take any responsibility. Husband staying with another girl who calls and threatens her.

I wonder sometimes why people marry so impulsively. This all looks good in movies where they lived happily ever after... rarely is such success seen in real life.

Also to marry against the wishes of your parents, you must be 10 times sure of the person and the family you would go to. Most important thing, never run from house to get married, you need your family support at the end, so better take them with you. It will help in long run. Marriage is not only about two people, its about two families.

Jhansi ki Rani Laxmibai and tele serial effect

Once I was casually flipping through the channels with nothing interesting to watch, I stopped at zeetv which was telecasting Jhansi ki Rani. I still remember I had this story in my CBSE syllabus in some class and I was totally inspired by her. She was so young and still could do so many things and gave a good fight to the brits. When I watch the serial, it was hell. Why cant we show the things as they are and still not make them look like documentary. This serial was usual Ekta Kapoor stuff with all masala, downright insult to the history characters. I wish we could respect and leave certain things as they are. There was a serial bharat ek khoj, I just loved, it was boring history shown in a very interesting way...why is everything masaledaar these days...

Birth Experience

Now that I feel comparitively better and my daughter is a month old, its time that I recall my experience while giving birth to my daughter. It was last year somtime in July when I was tested positive for pregnancy that my life started changing. From Beer, chicken and late night movies to no smoking/alcohol even in the neighbourhood. It was a major change as I was really used to this schedule every saturday and had become like a ritual. But I guess in a very short time, I overcame the craving. Lots of protien, milk and healthy diet was waiting for me and I did not complain.


First trimester was tough, cos the nausea almost kills. I could not eat anything, felt sleepy and tired throughout the day, could not even bear the smell of my fav food. Each new taste that I tried left me more nauseous. Miraculously the day I completed three months, my life was back to normal. My nausea had gone, and taste buds came back.


Regular gynae visits started, got my first ultrasound done and was kind of excited and happy to see a life inside me. I still marvel at the thought that women are capable of giving a new life. One of my friend told me once " think of yourself as GOD as you are bringing a new life to this world" how true..


Joined yoga classes as I hated to be overweight even during my pregnancy wanted a fit body. Bought lots of books and music cd's to listen. Got movie rental subscription to watch all the classics..life was one party.. I shopped like crazy for clothes and baby items, spend a fortune on maternity clothes knowing fully well that these will not be used again. ..I did all of things that I had always wanted and I could not be happier. 8 months passed flying in all this and I did not even realise.


9th month was a little difficult as the body is really huge by now and legs are swollen. But I could still do a 45 minute morning and evening with little effort. My yoga and other exercises continued. My BP and weight gain were excellent, baby movement perfect, no signs of trouble anywhere and that made me wonder sometimes if I will have equally challenging delivery.

My due date as per the pregnancy calendar and the doctor was 18th March and I was told that if I did not go into labour on my own by then, I would be artificially induced on the day. I will never forget that day in my life. We (Mom, husband and I) got up around 6:00 am had our tea and sandwiches, collected bag and headed for the hospital. It was a mix feeling on the way, excited scared and everything else. Reached hospital 7:00 am and was immediately taken to labour room and was injected some gel. This triggered some mild contractions. I was told to do some walking and relax. I was back in my room so that I could do what I wanted. I did a lot of walking still by the evening, it was still ild contractions and no improvement. I was injected something like a gel again in the evening, was given sedatives so that I could sleep..but who can sleep with that pain. Next morning I was still the same and then doc decided to artifically rupture the water bag..that was cruel...I was all in pain and dying for hours and hours ..while my family was outside sleepless waiting for the khuskhabri ..little did they know whats happening inside. I was asked by my doctor if I wanted epidural and I said yes..anything that gave me relief was welcome. Some other doc came explained the positives and negatives of this and then I was injected in bone for epidural. I hardly knew what doctor said to me ...I was just waiting for the moment to come. After a couple of hours when I was dilated some 7-8 cms, doctors tried to do the delivery ..I was made to push and push when the strong contractions came. This continued for hours with excruciating pain and no results..doc could see the baby hair but it was stuck somewhere..was taken to the labour room for the final trial..where again I was made to push with the help of nurses, suction, forceps ..everything was tried and my baby got injured in the process. After the final push, I fainted and baby was still in there..when the baby's heart beat dropped, I was rushed to the OT for the cesarean. What happened after that, I dnt know..I vaguely remember seeing my husband waiting outside. When I came back to my senses, I was in some chilly room with a staff nurse working on some papers. I was dead thirsty and asked for some water. I was told that I cant be given anything till my doc see me that meant next morning..I touched my stomach and knew that my delivery has happened, was too tired to ask for it. When I again opened my eyes, I was in my room with parents and in laws looking at me with shock and crying. I had no clue, why?

My doc came next morning and told me that I delivered a baby girl and she will be given to me in some time. In the process I have lost lots of blood so I will be injected iron for quick recovery. It was then I saw my hands, legs and face. I was swollen badly with stitches all over. I got my baby who was also red in the scalp and thick needles in her small hand. She still looked so beautiful and I cried bitterly after that.

After two days of supervision, I was discharged. I came back home with serious trouble with my heart palpitation, reeling head, blurred vision, swollen body, achy stomach, episotomy stitches, cesarean stitches and what not.

This makes me wonder if all this pain was inevitable. I understand that giving birth is a new life for a woman but does it need to be this scary, I guess not. Some questions that recur in my mind and haunts..

1) Can we have a system where I am informed in advance things that I am likely to suffer and what all preparation I can take.

2) Were their certain things that I could have done or avoided to go into labour on my own.

3) Why each visit to the gynae was 5 min of BP, weight and some abdominal measurments. Could we talk on things that I am doing, best practices etc.

4) While getting discharged, I had no clue on how to take care of my stiches, what all needs to be done and avoided. Should nt I be given a list of do's and dont's to make the life easier.

5) I spent more than a lac rupee and feel like I have been robbed.

During this whole time, while I breastfed and took care of my baby, I had the strong support of my husband and mother in law. I got panic attacks of anxiety, sleep deprivation..what we techincally call post natal stress. There were times when I thought that my life is finished and I had no desire to live..I have cried for so many days out of sheer depression. Just wish I could chit chat with my doc and she could take me through all this...I thank GOD that I had my family to come out of this trauma. These are the times when you actually test people.

I remember talking to one of my ex boss about all this and she told me " dont worry Divya...it will get better soon..." Thanks Boss...

This is not to blame anyone, but just a suggestion that hospital management can look at.